Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a.
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew.
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.