Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole? A hole-y Cow.