A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a.
The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew.