Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
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Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog.
After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man.
However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner.
The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.
He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.
The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated.
As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him.
The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.