A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Q: What is red and black?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
Vote:
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
Vote:
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.