How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his.
At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says:
There were 24 pigs gentlemen!
Twice as much than you!
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."