Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Vote:
Q:Why did the cow cross the road?
A:To go to the moo-vies.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
Vote:
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
Vote:
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.