Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a.