The best animal jokes

A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
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More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Vote: has 47.46 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!
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More jokes about: animal
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!
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More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails.
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More jokes about: animal
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, game, money, Santa
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
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More jokes about: animal, customer service