I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
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Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor?
Rabbit Hood.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii?
Moo moos.
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''