The best animal jokes

How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
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has 47.29 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex, women
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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has 47.24 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, football, Thanksgiving
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, geography
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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has 46.90 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, redneck
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, bartender, insulting, women
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
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