What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
What did the cow wear to the football game? A Jersey.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.