A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
White owl: who who.
Black owl: who dat who dat.
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
Vote:
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.