What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"?
A cow walking backwards.
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Why did the whale like the diver?
Because he had flippers.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
Vote:
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
Vote:
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Vote:
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"