How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys."
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
"That was amazing," exclaimed the coach.
"I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?"
"Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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A lady goes into a bar with her goose.
Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says:
Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?