A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
Vote:
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?
Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
Vote:
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.