The best animal jokes

A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, men, party
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Vote: has 76.99 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Vote: has 76.99 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
Vote: has 76.99 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Vote: has 76.95 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, little Johnny, teacher
"Pa's being chased by a bull!" "Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?" "Get me some film for my camera."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god
Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple." This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny. He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 168 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, animal, little Johnny, teacher