The best animal jokes

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.69 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
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has 74.61 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, computer
Spider: Why are you terrified by me? Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.
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has 74.54 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
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has 74.46 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
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has 74.40 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, chocolate, stupid
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dog, time
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication
"Pa's being chased by a bull!" "Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?" "Get me some film for my camera."
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
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