The best animal jokes

Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, vulgar
A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it." Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
Vote: has 76.74 % from 268 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, money, parrot
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
Vote: has 76.69 % from 133 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, kids, little Johnny, teacher
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
Vote: has 76.68 % from 128 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
Vote: has 76.46 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
Vote: has 76.41 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, husband
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, wife
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting


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