The best animal jokes

Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
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has 74.76 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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has 74.73 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible, cowboy, time
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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has 74.73 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
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has 74.63 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
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has 74.56 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, divorce, sport
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 74.52 % from 321 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.22 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
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