The best animal jokes

A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
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has 74.71 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
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has 74.62 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.56 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
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has 74.50 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, parrot, phone
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
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has 74.40 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, school
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
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has 74.12 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
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has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal
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