The best animal jokes

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex
Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it." Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
Vote: has 76.31 % from 263 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money, parrot
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Vote: has 76.08 % from 139 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
Vote: has 76.01 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, husband
What do you call a turtle with a hard on? A slow poke.
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Vote: has 75.92 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, insulting, parrot
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
Vote: has 75.86 % from 203 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama