The best animal jokes

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
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has 74.29 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.24 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
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has 74.24 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? A: They never want to log off.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, internet, money
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
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has 74.05 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
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has 73.90 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
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has 73.89 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, its mine. 8. If I saw it first, its mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, its yours.
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has 73.84 % from 362 votes. More jokes about: animal
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