The best animal jokes

Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
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More jokes about: animal, women
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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More jokes about: animal, doctor, mother in law
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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More jokes about: animal
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
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Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
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More jokes about: animal, health
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Vote: has 75.90 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
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More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

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A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Vote: has 75.73 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex