The best animal jokes

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 73.96 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
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has 73.89 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, its mine. 8. If I saw it first, its mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, its yours.
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has 73.84 % from 362 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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has 73.83 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
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has 73.74 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
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has 73.73 % from 307 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible, cowboy, time
What do you call a turtle with a hard on? A slow poke.
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman: - Do you have any bananas? - No,I don't. ( says the barman) - Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey) - No,I have not got any bananas! - Do you have any bananas? - If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter! - Do you have any nails? - No,I don't. - Do you have any bananas?
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food
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