The best animal jokes

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Vote: has 75.60 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
Vote: has 75.51 % from 168 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Vote: has 75.48 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it." Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
Vote: has 75.39 % from 235 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money, parrot
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Vote: has 75.39 % from 208 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bird, birthday, parrot
Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband