The best animal jokes

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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has 73.04 % from 375 votes. More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
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has 72.96 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, women
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness, gym
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
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has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food, racist
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!" One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, money
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, phone, school, science
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