The best animal jokes

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
Vote: has 74.04 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says." So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." " Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says." So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
Vote: has 73.92 % from 255 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, money, sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
Vote: has 73.92 % from 153 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, time
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee? A: In a nest-cafe!
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bird
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Vote: has 73.75 % from 224 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Vote: has 73.67 % from 331 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."
Vote: has 73.58 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, life
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dad, kids


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