The best animal jokes

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
has 72.45 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
has 72.31 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, travel
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
has 72.21 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
has 71.99 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, women
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, nerd
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
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