A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father.
I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
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Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.
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what is the diffrent between a chicken and a prostute
chicken goes cockadoodle do
prostute goes any cock will do.
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Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
What game do little cows like to play?
Moonopoly.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.
A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
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What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
They go sharkers.
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus.
He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar.
He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes.
He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"