Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
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Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied.
"It's dead. It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said.
"It's his pallbearers."
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
What do you call an unusual rabbit?
A rare hare.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll.