The best animal jokes

I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his little mind.
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Vote: has 72.19 % from 340 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, god, life
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 71.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, racist
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Vote: has 71.87 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent. They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris