The best animal jokes

Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years." "But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30." And so it happened. Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years." "Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please." And so it happened. Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years." "No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live." And so it happened. Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years." "But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years." And so it happen. Since then men lives for 20 years as a man. Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day. He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs. And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey. He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, men
Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur? A: Megasoreass.
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has 68.65 % from 622 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, time
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Q: What type of bees make milk? A: Boo-bees.
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has 68.44 % from 724 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, sex
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
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has 68.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
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has 68.41 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: animal
A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased. "This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop. "My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop. "But how do we know which is which?" They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea. "Lets cut off this ones tail" The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong. "You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!" "But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart." "Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"
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has 68.34 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
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