The best animal jokes

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, travel
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
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has 69.86 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: animal
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal, nerd
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 69.72 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal
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