The best animal jokes

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Vote:
has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
Vote:
has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Vote:
has 69.72 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
Vote:
has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, nerd
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
Vote:
has 69.32 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: animal
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
Vote:
has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
Vote:
has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
Vote:
has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Vote:
has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
Vote:
has 69.25 % from 1076 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, beauty, black people, parrot
<<<27282930
More jokes →
Page 27 of 153.