The best animal jokes

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, hunting, time
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
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has 69.80 % from 996 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, beauty, black people, parrot
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