The best animal jokes

Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
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has 70.11 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
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has 69.98 % from 513 votes. More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
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