The best animal jokes

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
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has 69.19 % from 1084 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, beauty, black people, parrot
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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has 69.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur? A: Megasoreass.
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has 68.86 % from 616 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay
A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased. "This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop. "My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop. "But how do we know which is which?" They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea. "Lets cut off this ones tail" The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong. "You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!" "But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart." "Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"
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has 68.84 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal
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