The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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has 70.17 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Save the tree, eat a beaver.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, wedding
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest. The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out. So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out. Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dirty, elephant
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
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has 69.92 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
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