The best animal jokes

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Vote:
has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"
Vote:
has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
Vote:
has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness, gym
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Vote:
has 69.92 % from 512 votes. More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Vote:
has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Vote:
has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, money
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
Vote:
has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, life
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
Vote:
has 69.79 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Vote:
has 69.78 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
Knock, knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it's kangaroo!
Vote:
has 69.73 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: animal, knock-knock
<<<26272829
More jokes →
Page 26 of 151.