A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
What happened to the lost cattle? Nobody's herd.
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!