The best animal jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, wife
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
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More jokes about: animal, disgusting, travel
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Vote: has 69.99 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Vote: has 69.89 % from 508 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! "Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?" "Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog." "Tell me more" said the priest. "One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog." "But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest. "Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again." "Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest. So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead! "And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"
Vote: has 69.88 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, animal, lawyer, priest
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, elephant
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
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More jokes about: animal, women
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, democrat
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, life


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