The best animal jokes

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, mother in law
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, food, life, travel
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
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has 70.25 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: animal, stupid, Yo mama
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
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