The best animal jokes

Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!" One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
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What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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More jokes about: animal, life, music
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
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More jokes about: animal, cat
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
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More jokes about: animal, Valentines day
A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail. "Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading. A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail. "What'd you do that for?"
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More jokes about: animal, money
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
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More jokes about: animal, food
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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More jokes about: animal, fish