The best animal jokes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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has 68.93 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 68.84 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
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has 68.83 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A: A milk shake.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
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has 68.73 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, gay
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