The best animal jokes

Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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has 68.65 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, money, work
Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur? A: Megasoreass.
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has 68.49 % from 602 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, wedding
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
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