The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dog
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, sport
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Vote: has 70.34 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Vote: has 70.20 % from 492 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, parrot
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, math
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Vote: has 70.10 % from 192 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation