The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
Vote: has 69.62 % from 918 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, beauty, black people, parrot
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bird, birthday, parrot
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fish, time
How are black people and wolves similar? They both fight in packs.
Vote: has 69.49 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black people, racist
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, god, life
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex