The best animal jokes

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, time
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?  She thought children should be seen and not herded!
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
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has 68.38 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
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has 68.15 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, easter, sex
When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years." "But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30." And so it happened. Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years." "Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please." And so it happened. Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years." "No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live." And so it happened. Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years." "But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years." And so it happen. Since then men lives for 20 years as a man. Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day. He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs. And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey. He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!
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has 68.15 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, men
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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has 68.07 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Q: What type of bees make milk? A: Boo-bees.
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has 68.07 % from 640 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, sex
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