What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.