When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.