The best baby jokes

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
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has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
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has 42.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
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has 42.34 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: baby, dead baby, death, Yo mama
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
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has 42.33 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 42.00 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, women
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
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has 41.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, ugly
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