The best baby jokes

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 43.40 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Vote: has 42.63 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dead baby, death, Yo mama
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, blonde, cop
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, blonde, doctor
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"
Vote: has 40.39 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Vote: has 39.98 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, black humor, sex, women
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Vote: has 39.78 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, black humor, dead baby
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Vote: has 38.25 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly


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