The best baby jokes

Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 43.19 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
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has 42.88 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, ugly
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
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has 42.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
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has 42.54 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: baby, dead baby, death, Yo mama
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
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has 42.33 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, women
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
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