I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.