The best baby jokes

I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
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has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.
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has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, black humor, morbid
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"
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has 43.42 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting
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