What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
What is a baby?
"A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!