The best baby jokes

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote: has 70.49 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, car, christian, little Johnny
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
Vote: has 70.46 % from 157 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, black people, racist
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 70.28 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Vote: has 69.93 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life, music
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, food


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