Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
"Yes brother," says Paddy.
"Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick.
"It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy.
A month later Paddy calls Mick.
"Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy.
"That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick.
"I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy.
"And what did you call the boy?"
"I called the boy De nephew."
After giving birth, I quit my job.
The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?"
My answer: "Birth control."
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Vote:
What do you name an Asian baby with problems?
Sum ting wong.
What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry.
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby?
It's annoying when it comes out black.
Vote:
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn.
The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried.
"I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."