After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.