The best baby jokes

"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
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has 71.56 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
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has 71.09 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, food
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
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has 69.95 % from 260 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 68.67 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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has 68.62 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, school, teacher
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
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