The best baby jokes

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 70.61 % from 135 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, school, teacher
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Vote: has 68.24 % from 135 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 67.46 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Vote: has 64.93 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur