The best baby jokes

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
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has 70.53 % from 280 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, management, work
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 70.34 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
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has 70.33 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
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has 69.99 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 68.33 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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has 67.61 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
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