The best baby jokes

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
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has 71.09 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, food
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
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has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
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has 69.63 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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has 68.71 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 68.07 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
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