Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.