The best baby jokes

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Vote: has 63.87 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Vote: has 63.61 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, husband, men
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby