The best baby jokes

A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
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has 65.63 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, morbid, teen
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
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has 65.00 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
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has 64.35 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
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