The best baby jokes

"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
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More jokes about: animal, baby, kids
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Vote: has 62.71 % from 225 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, gay
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, husband, men
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, fat, insulting, Yo mama
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Vote: has 62.36 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher