The best baby jokes

Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
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has 67.23 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: baby, black people, racist
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
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has 65.23 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: baby, gay
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there. He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does. When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man. When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man. At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood. So the American man stood too. Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down. Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth. When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
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has 64.93 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, communication, dad, ethnic
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
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has 64.90 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
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