The best baby jokes

Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her. "I still don't get it? Can you show me." Suzy says. "OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw." That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand. The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sex with her. "OK but I don't want Samantha to watch" So Samantha went outside. They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy. "That was fun but I still don't get it." Says Suzy The next day the same thing happened. And the next day. Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying. "Whats wrong," Suzy says. "Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better." Said Samantha. "Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy. When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it. Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately. He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her. "OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed." "Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, sex, stupid, time
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, school, teacher
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, blonde, sex, stupid
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Vote: has 66.05 % from 181 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: asian, baby, racist


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