The best beauty jokes

A really bad impressionist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: bar, beauty, communication
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Vote:
has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
Vote:
has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, marriage
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote:
has 61.59 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
I like your style I like your class but most of all i like your ass.
Vote:
has 61.53 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, poems
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, customer service, men
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, sex, time
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Vote:
has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, Chuck Norris
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
Vote:
has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dating, food, life