The best beauty jokes

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
Vote: has 50.17 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beauty, business
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 47.70 % from 106 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, life
We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top. It's a bad look with his mullet.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, Chuck Norris
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."
Vote: has 39.94 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, geek, IT, women
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Vote: has 39.94 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beauty, money, women
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, beauty, lawyer