Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
Chuck Norris often walks on Bikini Atoll during tests to get a tan.
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
A really bad impressionist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight? A: They make up.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.