Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
Q: What's brown and white and flies all over? A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.