Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?" A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? A: "You're not owld enough."