The best birthday jokes

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, god
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
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has 45.25 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: birthday, chocolate, food, kids, mean
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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has 44.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, birthday, music
Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, old people, party
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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has 33.24 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
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has 32.67 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, dead baby, dog, morbid
Q: What is your date of birth? A: December 30th. Q: What year? A: Every year
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday
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