The best birthday jokes

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
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has 45.25 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: birthday, chocolate, food, kids, mean
First boy: "Are you having a party for your birthday?" Second boy: "No, I'm having a witch do." First boy: "What's a witch do?" Second boy: "She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."
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has 44.67 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, party
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, birthday, music
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris
Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, god
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, old people, party
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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has 33.24 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
Q: What is your date of birth? A: December 30th. Q: What year? A: Every year
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday
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