Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
First boy: "Are you having a party for your birthday?" Second boy: "No, I'm having a witch do." First boy: "What's a witch do?" Second boy: "She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."
Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
Q: What is your date of birth? A: December 30th. Q: What year? A: Every year
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.