The best birthday jokes

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him. The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
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has 55.39 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, time, wife
After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 54.44 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, husband, marriage, time
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: birthday, medical, political, republican, science
Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day. It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, party, religious
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 52.31 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, holiday
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