The best black humor jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
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has 75.87 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, cop, death, gym
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 75.87 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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has 75.78 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fitness
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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has 75.57 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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has 75.45 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
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has 75.24 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 75.22 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 75.21 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
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