The best black humor jokes

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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has 76.44 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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has 76.41 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, war
A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over. A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing. The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over. The brunette joins her. Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car. The blonde watches as the car drives away. The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, blonde, car, communication, driving
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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has 75.56 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, heaven, political
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared." Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
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has 75.56 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: black humor, travel
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