The best black humor jokes

It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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has 76.20 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, heaven, political
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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has 75.97 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mexican, money, work
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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has 75.83 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, family, life, men
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 75.65 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
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