The best black humor jokes

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."

What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.

I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."