The best black humor jokes

Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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has 77.74 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fitness
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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has 77.68 % from 775 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, marriage, sex
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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has 77.59 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, death, old people
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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has 77.48 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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has 77.37 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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has 77.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!
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has 77.19 % from 966 votes. More jokes about: black humor, hospital
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
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has 76.85 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: black humor, music
This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, family, life, men