The best black humor jokes

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 77.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 77.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
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has 77.13 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: black humor
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
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has 77.02 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 76.83 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
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has 76.83 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, management, military
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
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has 76.67 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
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has 76.66 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
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has 76.54 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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has 76.49 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, death, old people