The best black humor jokes

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 77.48 % from 148 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
Vote: has 77.20 % from 126 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
Vote: has 77.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!
Vote: has 77.20 % from 948 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, hospital
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
Vote: has 77.08 % from 180 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, golf, heaven, political
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Vote: has 76.96 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, old people
What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
Vote: has 76.87 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
Vote: has 76.73 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor