The best black humor jokes

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 77.12 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
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has 77.06 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: black humor, music
Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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has 77.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fitness
A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. "I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one". A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two". "What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian. "I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more". "Done", said the Ginnie. " What is your second wish?" "I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again". " Done", said the Ginnie. "Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?". A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?". "That's right", said the Ginnie. "And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again. "It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied. Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""
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has 77.05 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, friendship, genie
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
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has 76.85 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: black humor, terrorist
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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has 76.46 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, death, old people
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
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has 76.46 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war