A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother: "Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale." "Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.