The best black humor jokes

At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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has 77.15 % from 321 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 77.05 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, Hitler, work
Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.
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has 76.86 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, war
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 75.89 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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has 75.85 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: black humor
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