The best black humor jokes

Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
has 74.86 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
has 74.73 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
has 74.71 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
has 74.69 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's? He always burns the franks.
has 74.54 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler
A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"
has 74.49 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
has 74.33 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, lawyer, money, work
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