Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's? He always burns the franks.
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.