The best black humor jokes

Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
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More jokes about: black humor, food
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, money
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
Vote: has 74.18 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Vote: has 74.08 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Vote: has 73.93 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, black humor, life, time
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Vote: has 73.79 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, kids, music