The best black humor jokes

It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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has 73.73 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, heaven, political
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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has 73.64 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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has 73.60 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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has 73.50 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, music
Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
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has 73.42 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, heaven, women
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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has 73.38 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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has 73.11 % from 356 votes. More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money
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