Q: What is the point of Jewish football? A: To get the quarter back
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
There were four people on a plane. One of them, the Pilot. The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy. The plane was about to crash and the only option for survival was to jump! But there were only three parachutes. The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute." And he jumped off. Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!" And he jumps. The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man. The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway." The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
KFC in Asia? Korean fried cat.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.