One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.