Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
There were four people on a plane. One of them, the Pilot. The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy. The plane was about to crash and the only option for survival was to jump! But there were only three parachutes. The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute." And he jumped off. Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!" And he jumps. The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man. The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway." The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: What are the bad news? Carrots came grated.
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.