Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks. The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here." The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is bloody low down"
Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.