Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
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Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
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My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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There were four people on a plane.
One of them, the Pilot.
The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy.
The plane was about to crash and the only option for survival was to jump!
But there were only three parachutes.
The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute."
And he jumped off.
Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!"
And he jumps.
The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man.
The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway."
The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.
Me: What's that hunny?
Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.
Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.