Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.
Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks. The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here." The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is bloody low down"
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.