Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.