What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog. When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.