Don't make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers. The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.