Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray? A: Family research.
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.