What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses?
A: Because their afraid of the showers.
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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
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After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
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Daddy to his son:
I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
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Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting