Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
how do you keep a black person out of your backyard? Hang one in the front.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working? A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.