Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting