Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Charlie Sheen winning? Chuck Norris says "I think not."
Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Chuck Norris directly in the eyes...
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
Chuck Norris can block Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek? A: Marco Polo.
The wrecking ball in the Miley Cyrus video isn't a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.
Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.