Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
Bruce Wayne first tried wearing a Chuck Norris mask to inspire fear, until he saw himself in the mirror. He immediately changed to the Batman
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort. Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Mickey mouse talks like that.
Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe. It's now called Shakey's.