Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Charlie Sheen winning? Chuck Norris says "I think not."
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek? A: Marco Polo.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.