When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go." Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news." "What is the bad news?" asked Bill. "Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. "The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.