Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read? A: Cuz hes black
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz. When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish. ''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains. ''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.) ''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage. Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard. Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."