How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read? A: Cuz hes black
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.