The best celebrity jokes

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God… “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!” Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?” God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked. Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?” God says, “That was the screen saver”.
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has 44.53 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, death, god, IT
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, kids
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, IT, phone
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, political
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, drug, weed
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, love
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting, health
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