The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.