Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go." Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news." "What is the bad news?" asked Bill. "Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. "The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
The wrecking ball in the Miley Cyrus video isn't a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
Charlie Sheen winning? Chuck Norris says "I think not."
Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Chuck Norris directly in the eyes...
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.