The best celebrity jokes

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
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has 61.91 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dad, kids, money, school
Chuck Norris told Anne Robinson she was the weakest link and made her leave the stage.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, Chuck Norris
I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, IT, phone
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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has 60.88 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, celebrity, music