The best celebrity jokes

How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, geography, health, war
This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him. “Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also a very special bar.” “Why is that?” the first guy asks. “Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That’s an original Van Gogh, and this stool I’m sitting on was on the Titanic.” “Gee, that’s amazing!” says the first guy. “Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you’ll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you’re pushed back up.” “No way! That’s impossible,” the guy scoffs. “Not at all. Take a look,” the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40…50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “See? It’s fun. You should try it,” he says. “Try it? I don’t even believe I saw it!” the first man shouts. “It’s easy. Watch, I’ll do it again.” And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “Give it a try. It’s a blast,” he says. “Well, what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10… 20… 30… 40… 50…60…70…80…90… 100 feet and splat — he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk. After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, celebrity, drunk
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, love, music
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, christian, Chuck Norris, communication
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, wife
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, men, music
When somebody is totally angry, why not say: "Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, communication, geek
Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life