A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: One molar solution.
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"