Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: One molar solution.