Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: One molar solution.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"