Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: One molar solution.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"