The best chemistry jokes

A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chemistry, death, wife
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, communication, nerd
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
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has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, fart, science, Yo mama
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, friendship, nerd, women
Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, graduation, science
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: chemistry
Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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has 49.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, death, little Johnny, stupid
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, nerd