The best chemistry jokes

A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chemistry, death, wife
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, friendship, nerd, women
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, communication, nerd
Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, graduation, science
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
has 51.86 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: chemistry
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
has 47.48 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, fart, science, Yo mama
Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
has 46.39 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, death, little Johnny, stupid
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