Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.