The best chemistry jokes

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Vote: has 58.58 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Vote: has 50.89 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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Little Johnny was a chemist. Little Johnny is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Vote: has 46.22 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, death, little Johnny, stupid