Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hoe.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.