The best Christmas jokes

A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, music
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, stupid
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fat, insulting, Yo mama
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote: has 48.77 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, computer, elf, nerd
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fat, technology, time, Yo mama
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
Vote: has 42.26 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health