Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.