A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?" Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.