Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?" Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.