The best Christmas jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
has 47.75 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
has 47.46 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, computer, elf, nerd
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, fat, insulting, Yo mama
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, money, religious, time
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, elf, stupid
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, fat, technology, time, Yo mama
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