The best Christmas jokes

A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, elf, music
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Vote: has 51.70 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, elf, stupid
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, fat, insulting, Yo mama
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote: has 47.29 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, computer, elf, nerd
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, fat, technology, time, Yo mama


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